Mark Twain once said: Happiness and sanity are an impossible combination.
Let me divulge a secret that only my closest friends (and everyone my parents have told) know: I'm gay. Now I didn't come to this conclusion quickly. In fact, to be honest, I didn't come to this conclusion at all. I'm about as straight as they come. However, looking back on my dating history, I'd like to say there is a reason why I've had such bad... luck (if you can call it luck... it's mostly: I'm not cool enough, I guess). OK. The big secret is: I'm not well. I don't know why either. And if you're reading this, please, don't feel like I'm trying to tell a sob story or looking for attention, because I'm not. There's just a really cool story that needs some necessary background information.
I guess you could say it started in High School. I played basketball (mostly sat the bench tho) back then. As the years wore on, there was a pain in my lower back. I went to the doctor to find out if there was anything wrong with me or if it was something I could fix. He said: nope. Don't worry about it. It's only growing pains. I guess I should have told him that I had stopped growing, but I didn't. Pain got worse, so I went to a chiropractor. And that seemed to fix things. 'Till the MTC. 2 months of nothing but sleeping, eating, and sitting in class in terribly uncomfortable chairs does wonders to ones body. As it did mine. Back pains returned.
Being the tough guy that I am, I just rolled with it: did my best to ignore it and just work. But it only got worse. I started loosing sleep because of the pain. One transfer, I got around 3 hours of sleep per night because of it. I went to the doctor, he looked at my x-rays and said: these aren't yours.
Me: yes they are, I just took them. I cam straight from the radiologist.
Him: no. This is the back of a 75 year old. Whoever this is has advanced arthritis and will be in a wheelchair in 10 years.
Me: I promise they're mine. I was the only one there today.
Him: Well, if you want to be walking past the age of 30, you better stop playing basketball, go back to America, and get some work done on that.
Well, I didn't go just yet. There were more pressing matters on my mission president's plate than me. Two and a half years ago, I got home and have been seeing doctors ever since. Joints and muscles are in constant pain. There has been one day in the past 4 years that I can remember where I haven't been in pain. In that time, I have been diagnosed with advanced arthritis, degenerative disk disease, scoliosis, severe depression, fibromyalgia, and ADD. No treatments have worked up to this point.
A couple weeks ago, I went over to a friends house and saw a slew of bottles on his counter. Then I saw his mom adding different amounts of drops of each bottle into a shot glass, mix it with some juice, and swallow. In response to my quizzical expression, she bore her testimony of a doctor who could cure all ailments. I said: no way.
Her: yes. she gives us these herbs and they make us feel better.
Me: yeah. I have a green plant out back that makes me feel better too...
Her: I'll send you her contact information.
As I was talking to my buddy and his other siblings that are seeing this doctor, they explained what she did: She talks with your spirit and finds out what is wrong with your body.
I guess that beats what the doctors do: they talk with me, guess what's wrong with my body, give me some drugs, and say: thanks for the vacation to the Bahamas you just paid for in your last visit!
So I thought that I'd give it a shot.
She started the appointment by pressing on different parts of my feet, asking me if they hurt, and making marks on a chart. Then after that, she explained that the spirit was part of the body, and the only person who knew our body better than our spirit was God. (I'm thinking: yeah.... I guess that's right. Are we going to light some candles now, say some chants and get my spirit talking??) She then said: your spirit will not lie because it is pure intelligence. If I ask it a question, your muscles will tense up, and we will know if it is true or not. (I roll my eyes) Put your thumb and your middle finger together, making a ring, but not pressing them together. If the answer is yes, I wont be able to pull your fingers apart. (bigger eye-roll) As she continues the diagnosis, she deduces by the previously stated method, that there are different hormone-secreting glands in my body that are non-functional. She explains that one of these glands that is non-functional is usually the cause of a lot of joint and muscle pain. This was actually impressive. I hadn't mentioned any of the previous diagnoses of other doctors to her. Then she said that most doctors don't have a clue about what is going on and usually call it fibromyalgia. It's also related to depression, ADD, memory loss... by this time, my eyes have stopped rolling, and they get wide. She explains: within 6 weeks of taking this herb ______ you'll be feeling about 30% of where you should be. In 3 months, you'll be back to 100%. So I got all my potions ordered, and hope that my spirit wasn't lying.
So, if you see me in 3 months with 3 arms and a lisp, you'll know why.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Holidays
Holidays are always interesting experiences for me. The fam. has some interesting ideas relating to holidays that I'm not too supportive of. For starters: timing.
Being the relaxed fellow that I am, timing is NOT everything. It is a common belief on one side of my family that every time there's a spare day - a day off school, any sort of break in school, or a holiday- timing is key. Every minute of every day has to be filled with something to do. There can't be a single moment wasted, otherwise nobody is having fun... or so it is thought. In order to get all the "partying" in that we possibly happen, one thing must happen:
Planning must occur: who's house? What time? What do I need to cook? Everybody talks and coordinates, and cooks. Where were we last year? Who is going to cook the main dish? "A cooked goose for everyone!" And of course, with all this planning and timing and cooking, there's more preparation involved. Apparently, it's a sin to leave the house without it being cleaned. IF someone is going to break in while you're gone, they definitely won't care how your house looks. And they'll for sure not leave it the same way they found it. Also, it's not a sin to buy pre-cooked food. Rolls, potato salad, jello, all taste amazing when they are cooked by people you love and care about, but food is food. Once it's down, nobody wants to know what happens to it. You won't find people taking stool samples and analyzing in with science.
Here's a plan: buy food, don't clean, don't worry. Just have fun. Relax! That's what holidays are for. Otherwise, we're gonna need a holiday to take a break from the holidays we've been having.
Yes. I'll admit: planning, cooking, and stressing may be part of holidays, but the point of having them is to relax. I've had problems escaping all these topics. In the past couple of weeks, there was the Fourth of July, and my birthday. As I was thinking about all the birthdays I've lived through, this one may have been the most enjoyable... or at least relaxed. I had just got back from Oregon, and most of my friends were out of town for the summer (one of the downsides of having a birthday during break). So I just chilled at my house, with my sibs, watched a bunch of movies, and relaxed. Just what the doctor ordered. Everyone around me thought that I was having such a bad day: I didn't get what I wanted for dinner, I didn't get what I wanted for presents, etc. The truth is: I don't need presents. I would be content with a hug, a phone call, or if you're feeling especially daring: a card in the mail. That's it. Christmas? I'll take the same.
I think back on my birthday last year. I was in Europe. This experience isn't all that great unless I tell of the circumstances leading up to it. The week prior, I took a vacation to California with my brother and some friends. We went out on the beach, only applied sun screen once, and I got friend to a crisp. We got back to Utah the night before we were supposed to leave for Europe. I didn't sleep at all that night because I was itching, and if I scratched, it hurt like the dickens! No sleep. We "woke" up and headed to the airport. Of course, planes are about conducive to sleep as a stick in your butt. So I maybe got a few hours of sleep on the 16 hour flight to Belgium. We went south to pick up our other brother from another airport, and then got something to eat. This was my birthday. We hadn't planned anything for this day except getting to our hotel and sleeping. However, the adventurous people my family is, we just couldn't stop for a second. I really don't remember much of this day. I did write it down somewhere tho... If only I could remember where. We bought belgian fries from a lady that didn't speak English, German, or Dutch (i'm pretty sure she over charged us) and then made our way to Maastricht. We visited the city, and then headed to Aachen for the night. Or so I thought. We check in to our hotel and with 2 hours of sleep in the past 3 days, I pass out on the bed. For 5 minutes. We forgot to eat dinner. So we went into town to eat. And the architecture!! How could we pass it up without taking pictures. No we couldn't wait for tomorrow, we had other stuff planned. We had to take it all in now. Eventually, after hallucinating and sleep walking down German cobble stone roads, we made it back to the hotel and BLISSFUL sleep followed.
Now. One might think that I'm a little bit bitter about how things have played out. I'm not. Just a bit satyrical. I enjoy as much as I can. Yes, I would like to have a little more time to relax, but I'm not bitter. My idea of an awesome vacation was last Christmas. My sister had a basketball tournament in Las Vegas over Christmas break. Nobody had any plans, so we headed down there as a family. It was almost spur of the moment: no cleaning, no prior planning, no cooking. We got in the MAV (Mormon assault vehicle)(15 seater van) and drove to vegas. We found a hotel (in a Casino), and just hung out as a family for the week. It was chill. Relaxed. Just what the doctor ordered. We brought card games, movies, ate pizza, ate out, didn't plan very much at all. And that's my idea of a good holiday: chill with family and friends. No worries, no stress, no work.
Another memorable birthday I had was on my mission. It was my last transfer on mission, and it was P-day. I had told a family that it was my birthday, so they made arrangements for us to come out to their place for dinner for a BBQ. I'd never been to a dutch BBQ before, and hadn't had a good steak for 2 years. I was ready.
Now. I wasn't a lazy missionary. We got a lot accomplished. But it just so happend that these members set up the dinner appointment with us to give us barely enough time to leave our apartment at 6 (when P-day was "over") get on the train, and make it to their house on time. So that's what we did. It also was convenient that we got back to our apartment at 9:10, just enough time to do planning. So the planning we had to do as missionaries was perfect. 1 member lesson. Not a bad day for a european mission! you may be thinking. (for my mission: bad day). But it was my birthday. Apparently, Dutch people don't grill a lot. When I got there, it was a sight to behold! There was as much meat on that table as there was table! Everything from a pig, chicken and cow (and maybe some horse in there too). Bacon, pork chops, chicken wings, hot dogs, beef, and did I mention bacon? It was more than bacon. Try: 10x thicker than our american bacon. You could feed a small family with one strip of that bacon. This pig put Costco bacon to shame! By the end of the night, I was OK with never eating meat again in my life. (that thought only lasted about 12 hours...).
I guess the general thought of this blog is to inspire the thought: less is more. The less work and worry we put in, the more fun/memorable the experience will be. But maybe it just sounds good on paper. Bottom line: chill. Relax. Just roll with it. Everything will work out aight.
Being the relaxed fellow that I am, timing is NOT everything. It is a common belief on one side of my family that every time there's a spare day - a day off school, any sort of break in school, or a holiday- timing is key. Every minute of every day has to be filled with something to do. There can't be a single moment wasted, otherwise nobody is having fun... or so it is thought. In order to get all the "partying" in that we possibly happen, one thing must happen:
Planning must occur: who's house? What time? What do I need to cook? Everybody talks and coordinates, and cooks. Where were we last year? Who is going to cook the main dish? "A cooked goose for everyone!" And of course, with all this planning and timing and cooking, there's more preparation involved. Apparently, it's a sin to leave the house without it being cleaned. IF someone is going to break in while you're gone, they definitely won't care how your house looks. And they'll for sure not leave it the same way they found it. Also, it's not a sin to buy pre-cooked food. Rolls, potato salad, jello, all taste amazing when they are cooked by people you love and care about, but food is food. Once it's down, nobody wants to know what happens to it. You won't find people taking stool samples and analyzing in with science.
Here's a plan: buy food, don't clean, don't worry. Just have fun. Relax! That's what holidays are for. Otherwise, we're gonna need a holiday to take a break from the holidays we've been having.
Yes. I'll admit: planning, cooking, and stressing may be part of holidays, but the point of having them is to relax. I've had problems escaping all these topics. In the past couple of weeks, there was the Fourth of July, and my birthday. As I was thinking about all the birthdays I've lived through, this one may have been the most enjoyable... or at least relaxed. I had just got back from Oregon, and most of my friends were out of town for the summer (one of the downsides of having a birthday during break). So I just chilled at my house, with my sibs, watched a bunch of movies, and relaxed. Just what the doctor ordered. Everyone around me thought that I was having such a bad day: I didn't get what I wanted for dinner, I didn't get what I wanted for presents, etc. The truth is: I don't need presents. I would be content with a hug, a phone call, or if you're feeling especially daring: a card in the mail. That's it. Christmas? I'll take the same.
I think back on my birthday last year. I was in Europe. This experience isn't all that great unless I tell of the circumstances leading up to it. The week prior, I took a vacation to California with my brother and some friends. We went out on the beach, only applied sun screen once, and I got friend to a crisp. We got back to Utah the night before we were supposed to leave for Europe. I didn't sleep at all that night because I was itching, and if I scratched, it hurt like the dickens! No sleep. We "woke" up and headed to the airport. Of course, planes are about conducive to sleep as a stick in your butt. So I maybe got a few hours of sleep on the 16 hour flight to Belgium. We went south to pick up our other brother from another airport, and then got something to eat. This was my birthday. We hadn't planned anything for this day except getting to our hotel and sleeping. However, the adventurous people my family is, we just couldn't stop for a second. I really don't remember much of this day. I did write it down somewhere tho... If only I could remember where. We bought belgian fries from a lady that didn't speak English, German, or Dutch (i'm pretty sure she over charged us) and then made our way to Maastricht. We visited the city, and then headed to Aachen for the night. Or so I thought. We check in to our hotel and with 2 hours of sleep in the past 3 days, I pass out on the bed. For 5 minutes. We forgot to eat dinner. So we went into town to eat. And the architecture!! How could we pass it up without taking pictures. No we couldn't wait for tomorrow, we had other stuff planned. We had to take it all in now. Eventually, after hallucinating and sleep walking down German cobble stone roads, we made it back to the hotel and BLISSFUL sleep followed.
Now. One might think that I'm a little bit bitter about how things have played out. I'm not. Just a bit satyrical. I enjoy as much as I can. Yes, I would like to have a little more time to relax, but I'm not bitter. My idea of an awesome vacation was last Christmas. My sister had a basketball tournament in Las Vegas over Christmas break. Nobody had any plans, so we headed down there as a family. It was almost spur of the moment: no cleaning, no prior planning, no cooking. We got in the MAV (Mormon assault vehicle)(15 seater van) and drove to vegas. We found a hotel (in a Casino), and just hung out as a family for the week. It was chill. Relaxed. Just what the doctor ordered. We brought card games, movies, ate pizza, ate out, didn't plan very much at all. And that's my idea of a good holiday: chill with family and friends. No worries, no stress, no work.
Another memorable birthday I had was on my mission. It was my last transfer on mission, and it was P-day. I had told a family that it was my birthday, so they made arrangements for us to come out to their place for dinner for a BBQ. I'd never been to a dutch BBQ before, and hadn't had a good steak for 2 years. I was ready.
Now. I wasn't a lazy missionary. We got a lot accomplished. But it just so happend that these members set up the dinner appointment with us to give us barely enough time to leave our apartment at 6 (when P-day was "over") get on the train, and make it to their house on time. So that's what we did. It also was convenient that we got back to our apartment at 9:10, just enough time to do planning. So the planning we had to do as missionaries was perfect. 1 member lesson. Not a bad day for a european mission! you may be thinking. (for my mission: bad day). But it was my birthday. Apparently, Dutch people don't grill a lot. When I got there, it was a sight to behold! There was as much meat on that table as there was table! Everything from a pig, chicken and cow (and maybe some horse in there too). Bacon, pork chops, chicken wings, hot dogs, beef, and did I mention bacon? It was more than bacon. Try: 10x thicker than our american bacon. You could feed a small family with one strip of that bacon. This pig put Costco bacon to shame! By the end of the night, I was OK with never eating meat again in my life. (that thought only lasted about 12 hours...).
I guess the general thought of this blog is to inspire the thought: less is more. The less work and worry we put in, the more fun/memorable the experience will be. But maybe it just sounds good on paper. Bottom line: chill. Relax. Just roll with it. Everything will work out aight.
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