Girls (part 2)

I don't set a lot of people up on blind dates. I don't really know how.  I am under the impression that the persons who get set up should have more than just similar looks to be compatible.  However, apparently, not everyone has this same ideal.  Do you know how many times I've been set up with a girl just because "she's tall!  You two will get along great!"  And most times we do.  However, how different is it from saying: "You're ugly, she's ugly, you'd make a great couple!"  That's a terrible thing to say.  I wouldn't recommend saying that to anyone.  I learned that the hard way.  Just because "You both like math," that won't guarantee an eternal marriage. Sure, we'll be able to talk about integrals, logarithmic expressions, graphs, calculus, and limits till the wee hours of the morning, but a person is a lot deeper than just that.
Well, there once was a friend I had who was of the opinion that Tall + Tall = eternal.  I agreed... like I used to always do, and went on the date.  I was sure to wear my tall shoes cuz girls that are taller than me scare me a little.  I wasn't nervous, but didn't really have my filter on.  I was set up with a girl on the Volleyball team and we were with a group of friends I knew from an old ward.  There were a couple of basketball players in the group, and as it often goes, their scholastic abilities don't quite reach the uber-nerd status that I have.  As we were eating dinner, one girl mentioned something about how she was planning on going on a mission (not something you want to mention on a date... or to someone you want to date: slight turn-off) and I was asked where I went.  Then we went around the circles started talking about something else.  Out of the blue, one of the friends I knew, turned to me and said: how many languages do you know?

I replied: seven.


At this point, I knew it was too late.  There was no way this tall girl would ever go out with me again.  Everyone was slightly caught off guard and all ears were on me.  There was no return.  I must finish what I started.  As I told them: Dutch, Flemish, English, some German, Java, Perl, and some C++.
One of the Basketball players then asked me: Where do they speak perl??
Apparently he didn't have a problem with people from C++onia speaking C++.
Needless to say, at that time, there were other options for me, so, assuming that she was too weirded out about my nerd comments, I didn't mind not getting her number.  However, I found out a few days later, that she started dating one of my buddies who was to be my roomie the next semester.

As one can see, I'm quite the charmer with the ladies (if that's not coated with sarcasm, I don't know what is...).  It hasn't always been this way.  Back in High School, I was the band geek.  I started with the clarinet, moved on to the tenor saxophone, played percussion for a semester, learned to play fluite for a song that was never performed, played the piano, picked up the sousaphone, sang in the choir and played the organ on my mission.  (It wasn't till later that I became a computer nerd.)  I wasn't very social, and was a little bit of a homophobe.  Wow.  A lot has changed since then.  I think one of the main reasons that I have changed is due to the following experience:
I decided that I wanted to be someone else.  I wanted to be the cool guy in school, and I needed to branch out and make more friends.  One day, I was standing in line at lunch, and a girl from my seminary class got in line behind me.  She was the one.  She was popular, on the volleyball team and had a ton of friends.  Perfect opportunity to integrate myself into the popular crowd.  I convinced myself that I would talk to her.  So the next day, I came up with a plan.  The next week, I set a goal to implement that plan... the following week.  Ok. So maybe it wasn't that bad.  I was nervous as all get-out, and did end up talking to her.  We started talking, and I was invited to eat with her at the "popular table."  So I did.  Somehow or another, she punched me in the stomach.  I've never had a problem with being overweight... (except on my mission.  I'll insert a picture here purely for your enjoyment...), so obviously, I had a six-pack.  When she felt this she exclaimed: "You have a six-pack??!!!"  When that word is uttered in a group of high school girls, there's scrambling, clawing, fighting, etc. to see who the blessed boy is who has one.  It was my first week of "breaking out of my bubble" and there were 10 girls around me asking me to lift up my shirt so they could see.  Yeah.  Not so comfortable.  I made a hasty escape.  Since then, I've become a little more open.

It also happened that this same girl who brought me into the popular group, also almost brought me my first fight.  It went like this.  After the previous experience, we became pretty good friends.  We started hanging out, and there was mutual interest.  At the same time, the class D-bag was also interested.  He "got rid of his porn, R-rated movies, and girlfriend to show his devotion to her." How could she refuse an offer like this?  Well, she held out strong for a while.  Then He offered her a choice: To be with her, or he was going to fight me.   I wasn't the most strapping young man, but, I was on the basketball team.  I hold my own in scrappy ball, I'd given plenty of black eyes and bloody noses and I don't go down without a fight. I mentioned this to the other players on the team, and they offered to jump him and do my dirty work.  I really wanted to fight the kid.  He was a tool.  He treated girls like crap, and if there's anything bigger than my feet, it's his head.  However, girl talked me out of it, promising her soul to mine if I didn't.  The next week they were dating.  I guess that's what I get for believing girls...


To end this blog, I will relate a real-life experience.  I seem to attract crazy people.  Here is the BJGirl story:  
I was in the middle of believing a girl: she plead her devotion to me, and then was fickle about commitment.  So in the middle of my frustration, another girl showed up in the picture.  I thought she was cool.  So I got her number and started flirting with her.  I wasn't really into her, but I felt comfortable around her.  She was definitely not homophobic and was rather loose with her lips.  In my moment of weakness, boredom and frustration with girls, I agreed to hang out with her.  She wanted to watch a movie.  And when a girl says she wants to watch a movie, we all know what that means.  Nothing really happened after that between us except I would get these random texts from her quite frequently.  She would say: hey.  Lets make out all night long. Or: lets make out! or: I'm horny.  I eventually just deleted her number and ignored all her messages.  Then it got worse.  I don't know what her deal was, or why she kept texting me cuz I would never reply.  One time, I got a text that said: I wanna have a sleepover! So I replied: what?! you want me to bring a rubber or something? She didn't get it.  A few weeks later, she sent me a picture of her.  Apparently she had a photoshoot.  And she didn't look bad.  Actually, she looked really good.  Photoshop can do some wonders.  Well, she sent another picture.  This one got deleted immediately due to the fact that she wasn't wearing any clothes.  A couple weeks later, she texted me all depressed and suicidal.  I felt bad, so I replied minimal information.  Then she got all personal and asked me stuff about relationships.  Like how far I've gone with a girl.  I didn't respond.  Then she asked me if I wanted a blow job. I didn't respond to that question either. 
Yeah.  Crazy.

Girls (1 of ...3?)

Yeah.  I just did.
If you know me, you know I have many a story about girls.  And quite a few of them are rather funny.
Wow! I really don't know where to start.  I think I'll start with my first blind date ever.  The first of many. 

I had just turned 16, and my older brother was in his freshman year at the BYU.  He was dating a girl, and one day he called me up.  Apparently, said girl had a sister who was coming into town for the weekend.  My brother and one of his friends wanted to go on a group date that weekend, and the girlfriend didn't want her sister to feel left out.  Perfect opportunity for a blind date.  I was called, and set up... like a lamb to the slaughter.  Ok.  It wasn't that bad.  It started off good enough: we picked up our ladies, and took them to our home for breakfast for dinner.  We had French Toast, OJ, and other goodies.  Then we decided to watch "Bed-knobs and Broomsticks."  She was from Georgia, and therefore suffering from jet-lag.  It was alright that she was tried from the flight.  However, when she fell asleep during the movie, and started drooling all over my shoulder when I didn't realize it... Uh.  That actually didn't happen.  I didn't really have any sort of physical relationship with a girl till after my mission.  However, this evening, she dozed off during the movie.  She woke up half way through, looked at me, I asked her if she was doing alright, then she turned to her sister and my brother and said: hey.  Your brother fell asleep!  Lies!  All lies!  I don't fall asleep on dates!


Except for once. I had an acquaintance ask me one day if I wanted to double with him.  I didn't want to due to homework, a migraine and other circumstances, but I did anyhow.  This was a friend of a girl who my friend was lusting after.  Or in other words: he wanted her bacon.  They lived in northern Utah, and were coming down for the evening and wanted to do a double date or something.  So I went along.  We went to Jump on It in PG, the room full of trampolines.  That wasn't ideal because... it cost money.  Yes.  I am a cheapskate. I don't like spending a lot of money on blind dates because my track record hasn't been all that great.  Afterwords, we came home.  I was thinking: yeah! Good date! Time to get back to my homework.  This friend of mine was thinking: not a chance! I'm totally going to make out with this chick tonight.  Well, he didn't.  But he did end up turning what could have been a cool 2 hour date into 6 hours.  In my opinion, dates, especially blind dates should be no more than 2 hours long.  After 4 hours, I was debating on weather I should fake like had some sort of crazy sickness and get out of there. Unfortunately, I stuck it out, enduring this kid's attempts at wooing the girl: singing with an out of tune guitar, telling dirty jokes to gauge weather or not he would be able to make out with her by the end of the night. Needless to say, I survived to tell the tale. :)

Another interesting story that I have that's girl-related was my roommate's girlfriend. They were...interesting, to say the least. I shared a bedroom with him, and when he didn't have a gf, it was alright. He would be pretty messy at times, but it was tolerable. However, he got a girlfriend shortly thereafter, and I was plotting how I would be able to get them to break up. No. I wasn't bitter that he was dating someone and I wasn't. Yes. It was a little weird to walk in on them -and it happened at least once a week. They weren't exactly that great at following rules either. I didn't mind them being together after hours working on homework, or even watching movies together. But it got to me when she started spending the night... in his bed....in MY bedroom! I'd wake up, take a shower, and as I'm about to put some clothes on, I would realize: hm. There's a girl in his bed. And she's prolly gonna wake up any time now. I'd quickly put my towel back on and then change in the other room. One night, after coming home from a blind date, I found that the door to MY bedroom was locked. Yes. They had locked me out and both of them were fast asleep (I'll give them the benefit of the doubt and say that they were asleep.  Not doing other stuff). Needless to say, I spent many a night on the couch. Also, in that apartment, I managed to walk in on all 4 of my roommates while they were making out with their gf's. Yeah. I felt pretty lame not having one of my own. I did my best to get one, but to my dismay, they were all crazy. One had a "hometeacher give her a blessing telling get that she shouldn't date anyone at that time in her life." Another just wanted me as a rebound. (I would have you know that I like basketball. Maybe that's why I was so good at it.) Yet another got "revelation that she was supposed to go on a mission." Excuses are like armpits.  Everyone has them, and they all stink.  If you're not into someone, tell 'em straight up.

The Dock Girl
This past summer was pretty eventful as well. One of the highlights of my summer, that still comes back to haunt me, was when I went up to Oregon. The elders quorum president asked me to take a girl out who was spending a couple weeks up there and wanted to hang out with someone. I called her up, we played volleyball one night, then went and got ice cream the next night, watched a movie, and the sunset. Things seemed to click really well. She mentioned that she might move up to Provo during the summer, and we could see of things went anywhere. I was all about it. After all, I'm relatively inexperienced in the dating realm, and was down for it. The next night, we were talking on the dock, watching the ships float by, listening to the waves crash on the breakwater, watching the stars come out.... And then we kissed. A few times. Unfortunately, our perch on the dock was not a secret. Minutes later, the rest of the BYU students had come out with flashlights, and we were very much not alone anymore. There was mocking then, and there still is, to this very day. She left the following day for Phoenix, and I haven't really talked to her or seen her since.

Evolution Girl
As a biologist, I study evolution. I believe in it. There is too much evidence suggesting that we did evolve and have the same ancestors as some primates. However, these theories have turned into my test for a girl. If they accept my thoughts on evolution, they're prolly accepting enough for the rest of me. One weekend, I went on another blind date. We went to the zoo. The night before, I was getting back from a family vacation and didn't get a lot of sleep. Thus, my filter wasn't working exactly like it should have. There, in front of the monkeys, I commented how fascinating it was that we had evolved from an ancestor of these creatures. Silence.... Are you being serious? She asked. There was no coming back. Yes. I said. I am. I explained how I saw it. Things got really awkward for a couple of minutes.

Failed Attempt
One of the most hilarious moments in relation to dating was when I had someone try and set me up on a blind date. I didn't really know the girl who was setting me up. She was a friend of my brothers and another buddy of mine. I had just met her and she had taken upon herself to make me a match that would last for the eternities.
Her: So... What do you look for in a girl??
Me: tall, athletic, musically talented, and someone who can cook. (yes. These requirements have changed since then. So if you're one of those ppl who are stalking me, trying to find what I like, don't give up!!)
Her: Oh! I know the perfect one! Her asking my friend: what's Nate's little sister's name??
I have a brother named Nathan. My little sister is Sarah.
My buddy: oh. You mean Sarah?
Her: yeah! Don't you think they would make a great couple??
Awkward silence...

.........

Me: you mean my sister??
Her face turned all sorts of colors of red. We still laugh about it.

Like the title suggests, this blog will be continued...


(all comics used in this post are not mine and can be found at the websites printed on the comic.  To avoid hurting feelings, I left names out and didn't include pictures of all the crazy people I've attempted to date)